apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
