why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
