I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pants are for mortals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
