look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
