He asked to "fluff my boner.."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
