I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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