my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
