you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
