just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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