Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
