The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
