I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
