you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
