i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
