i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
