her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
