I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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