I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
