She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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