so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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