i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
