I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are we still banned from the library?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
