'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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