you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
