Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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