I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
