Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You ruined the universe
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
