Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have post one night stand depression
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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