Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You don't make any sense
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