it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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