on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
