i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
