Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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