dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
