Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
