C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would ride that face into the sunset
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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