There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
