Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
