just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
