you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
