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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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• (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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• (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.

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• (530): View more from California

  Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating

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