this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
