so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
