Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
