he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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