Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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