so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
