So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
