I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
