I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
